All of our bodies are strong; All of our births matter.

April is C-Section Awareness Month. But every month should be. In fact every day, every month, every woman everywhere should be praised for creating and bringing a child into this world. No matter how it was done. All moms are strong and all moms are beautiful. I am so sick of mothers being shamed for this and moms being shamed for that. Right down to the T women are being shamed now more than ever on how they’ve given birth. And 100% of the time it’s always by other woman. Why? We are all equal.

The other night I was reading an article about labor (I just can’t help myself at this point ha-ha!) and the snippet about vaginal birth was entitled “normal birth.” WHAT. WTF. There is no such thing as a “normal birth” anyways. Everyone’s birth process is so different. “Normal birth”… that struck a huge nerve within me. Vaginal birth or cesarean birth, we are all female warriors. It’s not a contest. Yeah my vagina got destroyed when I pushed out my baby but so did their abdomen when they were sliced open to have the doctors pull out the baby.

Vaginal birth should be called just that and not a “natural birth” or a “normal birth.” So the women who have had a C-section birth(s) were unnatural? That’s purely inconsiderate and plain stupid to assume.

Yes vaginal birth is super intense because you tear from your vagina straight to your butt, which is engulfed in hemorrhoids. But hello! A cesarean is major surgery. Doctors literally take out a handful of your organs and pile them up on a table to deliver the baby. This surgery can end in infection, blood clots and a fierce lasting pain / sensation. My mother delivered me vaginally but my sister was a footling breech so my mom had to have a cesarean. 18 years later her scar is still sensitive and if you run your hand over it she said the area always gets numb.

Women who have had a C-section are not “lucky” because they “forewent labor”. They did not take the easy way out. They too very much gave birth. They are just as strong as a mom who gave vaginal birth. We are all strong.

In honor of April being C-section awareness month I felt a huge need to make a post to honor those who have.

I support all women and think no matter how you gave birth we’re all champions, and so should you.

Our babies are all beautiful. All of our bodies are strong. All of our births matter.

 

 

The Importance Of Keeping Your Identity Outside Of Being A Mom

It’s too easy to kick your identity outside of being a mom to the curb. Do you have an identity outside of being a mom? I see handfuls of moms “lose themselves” whether it’s physically or mentally.

How does that even happen?

I love being a mother. I do. But I always said I will not lose who I am as an individual.

I wear many hats as I’m sure you do too. Obviously my baby is my number one priority in life but in order for me to be the best mom for my daughter I must focus on continuing to remain true to myself  and my identity from before I was a mom. Who am I besides “mommy“? Well that’s easy. I’m me. I’m still Morgan. Just different. My life is absolutely grand. Don’t get me wrong, my days are long and full of wet diapers, mountains of poop, tears, giggles, naps, endless bottles and endless laundry. But the best of all is that new baby smell that fills my nose all day long. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my daughter more than I love myself. I will always put her first, but at the same time I do at least one thing for myself daily.  I have to, otherwise I’d lose my marbles.

Even if it’s only 10 minutes out of my small 24 hour window, I find the time. At first I wasn’t sure how, it’s been a process of self-discovery really. You think maybe it’s hard to manage and have a balance because now you’re solely relied on by a tiny human who is otherwise helpless. Well you’re right, it can be hard, it is hard. Maybe you’re thinking “oh God what have I signed up for?” Ladies, you signed up for one of the most remarkable and meaningful parts of life – motherhood. 

What is your passion outside of being a boss mom? And how did you figure it out?

How to not lose your identity you may ask? Don’t let go of your habits and obsessions that interested you before. And it’s probably easier said than done but make sure you also get enough sleep. It’s so important. 

How do I do it?

Yes, somedays I have “lazy days” but most days I try to have my hair and makeup done. I like to be cozy but I still love picking out cute outfits and looking good for my man. He won’t say it because he says I look great either way but I know he appreciates the effort. And I always find time to write. Whether it’s on here or in my journal. Or read a chapter in my book since I’ve always been a bookworm. Keeping my mind focused on creative thinking helps keep me sane and clear thinking for my baby.

Other hobbies or areas of passion of mine include caring for my plants and my animals. And I love to go thrifting, listening to music and I appreciate a good beer. I’ve become the dreaded “beer snob.”  

Motherhood is my sole identity but not my only identity because I am more than a mom. I’m an individual who’s interesting, funny, unique and creative.

It’s important to not lose your self love because one day your children will grow up and you wouldn’t want to be lost or not knowing what to do with yourself, so give yourself a head start and love yourself and be you always.

 

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby; Real Talk.

I thought I was afraid of having a baby. HA I was actually more afraid of fornication after baby. Sex after birth is like loosing your virginity all over again. You think I’m kidding? K.

“Will I get pregnant?”

“Is it going to hurt?”

“We have to keep the lights off.”

Sex may be the last thing on your mind but I assure you, as soon as you’re in the clear.. the sooner you get physical the better. It takes a minimum of six weeks… but physical (re)connection will make you and your significant other better as parents, I promise. You’ll both feel reunited. Supreme be this team, if you will. Reassembled. YES. Feeling disconnected could lead to resentment. You don’t want that. I didn’t want that. If you aren’t physical, don’t you think you might start feeling like roommates? Weird. You don’t want that. At least I don’t want that. So bring on the sex! Taboo subject or not. Bring it!

It’s possible your partner may have hidden fears.. maybe they think they’ll hurt you..maybe they think you aren’t ready.. maybe they’re thinking you feel insecure.. so don’t be afraid to make the first move. As gross as birth truly is,  I assure you… after they saw you bring that child into this world, and how you care for that said child, that you made together, they are just as attracted to you as you are to them after seeing them with your baby. Mhm. Seeing my fiance tending to our baby turned me on. NO LIE. No shame. Screw it. Literally. How does having a new baby change the way you feel about your partner? I can’t speak for everyone but seeing my fiance with our daughter? Shit. I have never been so attracted to him in our entire six years history. Dudes have needs too, but so do we. Act on it.

The first thing that women think about after baby is probably not sex. Maybe it’s not the first thing, but sex is surely a thought. It’s undeniable.

How do you find time for sex after baby? Well step one would be to not co-sleep with your youngin’. (PS I’m not shaming anyone for doing so but it just wasn’t my preference to do so.) I personally like spontaneous sex, it’s more intimate and overall sexy but if you are worried that it won’t happen but you want it to happen, set aside a time for sex. It’s not shameful or corny. Let people judge you. Make time for you and your partner, it’s just equally as important as your baby.

Set your own timeline…..

I personally waited till the six week mark that you’re advised to wait. But as soon as I was cleared.. even though “down there” still felt a little “different” doctor said I was healed and ready to be a sexual being again, woo!!! But I was afraid it’d be awkward.

Awkward sex? Eh, it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Hell if you play it right, it’s not awkward AT ALL. In fact it’s intimate as ever. MHMM.

I enjoy sex now more that I’m a mom. Maybe too much information but giving birth springs all of these new emotions and sensations from within. You know I’m right.

What’s the common saying? “Don’t forget your roots?” Don’t forget why you started? Or how rather. Sex is what most likely bonded your relationship. Sex is what created your baby. Sex is love. Sex is new. Sex is all. Sex is you. Sex is the origin and soul of your relationship. The bond of you and your partner. The author of your marriage. The producer of your offspring.

Passion. Keep it alive and it will keep your family alive.

 

Why I’m Glad I Had a Daughter

“We all move forward when we recognize how resilient and striking the women around us are” – Rupi Kaur.

 

Pink clothes. Tutus. Waterfall hairstyles. Disney. Baby dolls and barbies. All of the reasons I was looking forward to having a daughter. Primarily though I dreamed of having a little girl so I can raise her as my mother raised me – well rounded, in a princess dominated world.

I have been beyond blessed to be have grown up among amazing women. My mom, sister, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, friends, teachers, aunts, coworkers. Women who continue to support me, teach me and love me everyday. As will my daughter.

I will raise her to be strong. Strong willed. Strong minded. Strong hearted.

It all starts at home. Your first teachers are your mom and dad. And I intend to do just that.

Second teacher comes from yourself with the support of your friends and family. Your individuality. Feeling the love and authenticity within yourself is your second greatest mentor. I’s ok to read books. It’s ok to not wear makeup. It’s ok if you don’t like to read books. It’s ok if you want to wear makeup. But don’t do it because it’s trendy. Do it because you want to do it. Don’t be a follower. Be a leader. Speak your mind. Say yes. Say no. Be brave. Be “different”. All qualities she’ll be taught to grasp and will practice in her everyday life. Throughout my life I never saw support like this with my girlfriends and their mothers as my mom supported me. Truly to this day, almost 26 years later I couldn’t have done it without her and my daughter won’t be able to do it without me.

I am so proud to be able to raise a unique and distinctive type of woman. I’m moved to be able to pass this tradition to my daughter and raise her with compassion, patience and understanding to all people, especially other women. A little girl that will grow to empower other women and who does not compete. Obviously we’ll want her to try her best and “go for it” but she’ll know you do not need to sabotage people to get what you want. It makes for a nasty future and nasty base for any type of relationship.

My daughter will be grateful for this life and see each day as a gift. She’ll understand that sometimes you’ll have ups and sometimes you’ll have downs. But don’t take it out on others. Don’t bring other women down with you because you’re in a rut. As I was coached by my mom, great things will always be happening around you. Rather than be jealous, be happy for those people. “No matter where you are great things are happening around you. Someone’s kid just spoke for the first time. Old friends are reuniting. If this isn’t you today, tomorrow might be your turn for something wonderful.”

Being a woman is something to be proud of. And being a good women who have other women’s backs is something to be even more proud of. To have been able to have created a tiny human out of thin air and to be privileged to raise that tiny human into a courageous independent little girl who doesn’t compete in her years of growth…will be amazing. I want her to stay little but I tear at the thought of how amazing of a woman she’ll someday become. Thanks to me, thanks to my mom and thanks to the woman before her.

In all that I do, and all that every woman does, we need to continue to evolve and support one another in the journey we call life. As we’ve come to find throughout history, when women support each other, incredible things can happen. Here’s to strong women. Here’s to strong daughters! “May we know them! May we be them! May we raise them.”

And remember, there’s only one of you and that’s the most important thing you can give in life is exactly who you are. Words of the wise that I will say to my daughter Maxly everyday.

**Side note I would be just as pleased to have been privileged enough to have been blessed with a boy raise a son into a fine gentlemen who would too contribute to society and treat women and men with the upmost respect and love all humans deserve. 

The Paramount of Kids Growing Up With Pets

Eight ways animals are positive and gratifying for children.

I grew up in a household where there was always two dogs, two cats, fish and when I got a little bit older, a rabbit and hamsters. I always had a (furry) friend. As I grew up and moved out of my parents house I continued to own animals. Still to this day I  have a love in my heart for all creatures especially my chihuahua, two cats and tortoise. Along side me and my pets live my three month old daughter and my fiance. Him and I were just having a conversation how he is so happy that our little girl will be able to grow up in a house of animals because they will teach and benefit her in their own special ways. He, among many people grew up deprived from the gift of pets. People do not realize how important a cat or a dog really is for a person let alone little kid. They impact your life from the first second they enter and for everyday beyond the time they exit.

• Companionship. Not only does a pet act as a great filler for a best friend, they’re an even better filler as a fur brother/sister, especially if you’re an only child. I myself do have an actual sister but I was an only child for the first eight years of my life. My Dachshund Sammy was my absolute best friend from birth until she passed away when I was five. I was devastated and so lonely so soon after my parents got a new Dachshund buddy named Oliver, Ollie for short. Ollie lived until my senior year of high school but was still one of my best friends even though I wasn’t a little girl anymore. Same thing with my childhood cat Motz. It’s absolutely amazing the comfort and love you feel with an animal and the unbreakable bond that’s formed.
• Compassion. Having a pet is an amazing way for a child to learn empathy. To pick up signals and be able to read those signals of another living thing, to actually grasp how they’re feeling… incredible. Are they happy? Are they sad? Are they hungry? Do they have to go to the bathroom? And what the child can do for said pet once they realize the pet is in need, whether it’s dire or not. It’s a truly beautiful experience for the child, the pet and you to watch as a parent / guardian.
• Unconditional Love. How can you rob your child of unconditional love? I myself am lucky enough to have parents who are still married but if you’re going through a divorce, it has a huge impact on your child. And even though the divorce is not their fault, kids tend to blame themselves and feel less loved by mom or dad. Having a pet that is always there to love and listen to them is crucial. Unconditional love is priceless. Even if you’re not divorced, kids are still going to feel emotional and upset from time to time, whether they’re “mad” at you or maybe a bully said something to them at school…. to be able to come home and turn to their dog, it’ll only raise their spirits and keep their self-esteem high.
• Responsibility. I’m not saying go out and buy your toddler a lizard and expect it to be the reptiles sole provider…but if you have a cat or a dog then having the child help feed him/her, scoop their liter box, brush the animal, etc. then the child quickly learns about chores and to physically care for another living creature. Responsibility will fall on mom and dad too though of course. Your child is a child and is still learning, so make sure the pet in the household is appropriate for the child’s age! Unless of course, you have 100% done your research and plan to care for the animal as well. As I mentioned earlier, I own a Russian Tortoise, which requires specific care. I will eventually have my daughter help me feed her, give her a bath and walk her around outside. But I would never expect or let her be Olive’s sole caregiver. At least not when she’s a child. That’d just be foolish.
• Pets keep kids healthy. There is certainly a reason to believe there’s a relation between owning pets and shielding kids from certain illnesses. In Parent’s magazine, The Benefits of Pet’s it states, “When a child plays with a dog or a cat, the animals usually lick him,” he says. “That lick transfers bacteria that live in animals’ mouths, and the exposure to the bacteria may change the way the child’s immune system responds to other allergens.” Pretty crazy huh? But it makes sense. According to Dr. Ownby, a pediatrician and head of an allergy and immunology department of the Medical College of Georgia, “having multiple pets actually decreases a child’s risk of developing certain allergies. His research tracked a group of 474 babies from birth to about age 7. He found that the children who were exposed to two or more dogs or cats as babies were less than half as likely to develop common allergies as kids who had no pets in the home. Children who had animals had fewer positive skin tests to indoor allergens—like pet and dust-mite allergens—and also to outdoor allergens such as ragweed and grass. Other studies have suggested that an early exposure to pets may decrease a child’s risk of developing asthma.” 
• Inspiration. Animals will pretty much go along with anything. And I mean ANYTHING. I used to push my kitty Motz around in my baby doll stroller for hours. I’m sure he didn’t love it but he let me do it because he loved me, he was one of my best pals. My animals allowed my mind and body to wander, to play! Indoors and outdoors. I always had indoor cats (because my outdoor ones got hit by cars, so sad) but my doggies were always great outdoor playmates! Although nowadays if you have an indoor cat, just get it a leash! It’s currently trending and apparently cats dig it.
• The will to learn. I have only owned a handful of breeds of dogs, but I can give you the rundown of practically every breed and every breeds mannerisms. Like people, I always wanted to know more about them. Same goes for why I own a tortoise. Olive is my first ever reptile and I did some serious groundwork before committing myself to her. Owning pets as a child could also spark the will to not just learn on such a mediocre level but on a collegic level as well. Maybe kids will grow into young adults with a dream of helping animals and then continue on into adulthood to research in Animal Science, Veterinary, Marine Biology, join PETA etc.
• Death. Maybe it sounds morbid but just as life happens so does death. Animals are great tools to teach children about the lesson of death. As I mentioned earlier, my dog  Sammy was my best friend but she died of cancer when I was five. She was the only living thing in my life that I had ever known that had died. Sammy taught me love, compassion, companionship, responsibility, inspiration and in her last lesson, taught me how to cope with death.

It is so important for kids to have a partner in crime to share special moments in life. Growing up I had a ton of friends who didn’t have pets and they loved coming over to see and play with all of my animals. They were envious. My daughter (and future kids if I do have more) will never be without that love, our house will always be filled with pets.

ABC’s of Motherhood

A- Adjustment. Motherhood is one hell of an adjustment to say the least. You can be as prepared as one is able to be and you still aren’t prepared. Even if their were an instruction manual, there’d be a new edition everyday. You come home with your baby and BOOM there’s a whole entire extra person living in your house. A person who disrupts your beloved sleep, routine with friends, etc. It’s all a learning curve when you’ve got a tiny human who is 100% dependent on you. But it’s all worth it!

B- BabyBrezza. A MUST HAVE if you’re going to formula feed your baby. A life saver in a box. It’s a dispenser that holds water in a tank, formula on the top and mixes your bottles to a ready to feed temperature within seconds just by the push of a button.

C- Crying. There will be lots of crying, mostly from you. Talk about a whirlwind of hormones and emotions, ain’t nothing like it until after you’ve had a baby. Bearing a child turns you into a sap so maybe you’re just sitting there watching your child sleep, crying because they’re so beautiful. Bearing a child also confuses the heck out of your ability to think rationally so the simplest thing can set you off into a fit of frustration… which also leads to crying. It’s all natural. Right?

D- Dysfunction. I plan to give my daughter just enough dysfunction to make her funny.

E- Evenings out. It is so beyond important to have date nights with your hubby or wife. To reconnect and get back to why you even made a baby in the first place, it’s a beautiful thing and always more needed than realized.

F- Friends. Not saying you have to have oodles of friends but you need to get yourself at least one good mommy friend. It makes your journey so much more enjoyable I swear.

G- Gross. Your body does some gross things after birth. Embrace it.

H- Hair Loss. Postpartum hair loss is hella sexy. Enough said.

I- Isolation. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t isolate your thoughts, fears, and even hopes. Speak your mind and ask for help if you need it. You’ll be glad you did.

J- Jammies. It’s perfectly fine if you and your kid(s) stay in their pajamas all day. It happens!

K- Keep it together. Keep a schedule, keep a budget, keep up with house cleaning. Stay organized! It’s key to so much success.

L- Love. Does this one really need explaining?

M- Mom shaming. JUST DON’T DO IT.

N- No. It’s going to be a word they’re going to need to hear. You’re the boss not them!

O- Opinions. Everyone is going to have them, even when you don’t ask. Just remember you are living your best life for you and your family and unless your child is a rude ass wild child or in danger, just let their comments go right over your head. Screw the know it alls.

P- Poop. So much poop. So many blowouts. It’d be so much easier if sometimes we could just hose them off. Am I right?

Q- Quietness. You don’t always have to be quiet. I assure you they can sleep through anything. Hell I vacuum under my daughter when she’s in her swing.

R- Relax. Don’t be so uptight. I know it’s hard especially right after having the baby because your emotions are so through the roof like I said before but take a deep breath and get some anxiety medication if you need to! It’s ok to balance yourself out and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

S- Significant other. Be a supreme team. For yourselves, for your kids.

T- Trust. I know it may be hard but you need to trust other people with your kids. Whether it’s your mom, your best friend, your sister-in-law, you need time away from your baby. It’s good for them and it’s good for you.

U- Ups & downs. As it goes with anything there will be ups and there will be downs. There will be days where you feel like a supermom and there will probably be days when you feel like the worst mother on the planet. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can.

V- Videos. It’s so important to take all the photos that you can of your baby but don’t forget to take videos as well! For years to come you’ll want to physically remember their adorable little coo’s and their delicate little moves.

W- Watch your mouth. I’m honestly kind of afraid my baby’s first word might be fuck.

X- Xplanation. Ok obviously that’s supposed to read explanation. Cut me a break.. how many words in the everyday language actually begin with the letter “x”. Never feel the need to explain yourself. No explanation needed. See what I did there?

Y- Youth. Never forget, age doesn’t really matter. You’re only as young as you feel and my moms infamous saying as I grew up was “the kids get older but we don’t.”

Z- Zone in on yourself.  Face it you’re a mom now and your world revolves around your child / family and that’s amazing but don’t forget you need time for yourself as well. It’s the only thing to keep you sane.

Seven TV Families with Seven Family Values That I Hope to Pass On; Iconic lessons taught by my favorite TV families.

Grounded For Life, the Finnerty family. Hot Mom, stuck in high school mode dad, teenage drama queen daughter, 2 hooligan sons, a whacky uncle, a goofball grandfather and a dorky neighbor set the tone for one of the most important lessons in life. Don’t take yourself too seriously. In order to get by in this life you have to be able to laugh at yourself! Using their wry sense of humor Sean, Claudia, Uncle Eddie and Grandpa Walt were always teaching Lily, Jimmy, Henry and even Brad that you have to take your responsibilities seriously but be sure to never take yourself too seriously. It’s ok to be dysfunctional sometimes, that’s life!

Gilmore Girls, the Gilmore family. From the first episode of the first season to the last episode of the last season the message that confident and successful Lorelai Gilmore has always exemplified for Rory was just be yourself. It may be a cliche but it is one of the best things you can do for yourself in life. It’s ok to be smart. It’s ok to be a bookworm. It’s ok to put your career first. It’s ok to kiss boys. It’s ok that your best friend is your mom. It’s ok if you change your life plan. It’s ok if you’re obsessed with coffee. It’s ok that you’re confused. It’s ok to know what you want. It’s ok to be yourself. It’s the greatest gift you can offer the world, just exactly who you are.

Malcolm in the Middle, the Wilkerson family. Two parents with a handful of sons, there is bound to be chaos. Especially when Francis, Reese, Malcolm and Dewey just don’t know when to quit it. There’s never a thought of a consequence to an action.. most of the time. But along the way, after Jamie, the fifth son was born Dewey had an epiphany. Be nice to your mom and she will be nice to you. Dewey realizes that if you do what you’re told, you don’t fight with your brothers, if you don’t destroy anything in the house, you don’t get punished. Reese punches him and demands to know why mom hasn’t been on his case… Dewey just simply says “I just haven’t done anything wrong in three days.” Duh!

Roseanne, the Conner family. This true television masterpiece covers so much of real life including what it’s like to have three bratty kids and how said brattiness should be handled. In Roseanne’s case her favorite was purr evil but genius. Your parents will embarrass you on purpose especially when they want to teach you a lesson. I will never forget the episode when Roseanne told DJ she was going to bring him to school, and walk him all the way to the front, as she takes off her robe and has on a flannel, overalls, blacked out teeth and pigtails. He was MORTIFIED and promised he would never do whatever the bad thing was again. In fact growing up, my mom used that one on me multiple times and some of a gun her blackmail always worked. Thanks Mrs. Conner.

The Addams Family, the Addams Family. The Addams family are known to be “creepy, kooky mysterious, spooky and all together ooky,” but under all of the “weirdness” they’re a pretty normal family, and a devoted family at that. Gomez and Morticia are a prime example of parents who certainly practice what they preach. Don’t be afraid to show affection. Physical and mental. They always 100% support their children and other family members and literally cannot keep their hands off of each other. It’s ok to spread the love!

Lizzie McGuire, the McGuire family. Lizzie McGuire was one of the best shows for teenage girls. Hilary Duff hit the nail on the head representing a teenager and what it felt like to be insecure about your body and other obstacles that may come your way. You must be comfortable in your own skin. The show honed in on some serious taboo issues like eating disorders, teenage bullying and lack of confidence. Although Lizzie had her bestie trifecta, her parents Mr. and Mrs. McGuire always managed to find out what was going on and reassured Lizzie she was beautiful inside and out.

Full House, the Tanner family. People always say you “can’t pick your family.” Wrong. Family doesn’t always have to be blood either. Among the many life lessons Full House taught us the most significant one was that all families are different, not every family is made up of just a mom and a dad and kids. In the Tanner Household you’ve got the dad, the Uncle, the dad’s best friend and the kids. It really does take a village to raise a child as they say.

Television whether we like it or not plays a huge role in our lives and sometimes unintentionally it’s where our children pick up a lot of their vocabulary, likes and dislikes. If my daughter can take from these shows what I have then I’d be quite alright.

*Images are not mine. Thank you Google.