You Call Them Swear Words; I Call Them Sentence Enhancers

Mama needs a fucking nap. Bitches get stuff down. Droppin’ a new recipe on your ass.

This woman, mother and wife is sassy, classy and a bit smart-assy.

Yep. I am that Mom, the sweary Mom. I can’t help it but I’d like to think it’s all in good taste.

I gave up a lot of things as a Mother but the F-bomb just wasn’t one of them. And I can appreciate other moms who are too kind, sarcastic and sweary like me. They’re my cup of tea. Sweary Moms are my people.

I just can’t trust anyone who can’t drop a well placed F-bomb.

Change my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DIY Baby Attire

I have an artsy fartsy mind. I can write, I can take pictures. That’s about it when it comes to creative skills. I suck at measuring, I suck at cutting. I can’t paint. I don’t think I can sew. I can’t do pottery. I want to be artistic but God Bless me, I just cannot do it. Thanks Mom & Dad for unblessing this wannabe composer. Maybe I can’t but some of the beautiful people in my life are good with their minds and their hands. Thank god.

My mommy bestie Alysha is just that. I always see cute things on Etsy or Amazon or in stores, then I think to myself, “I can make that.” Then I think again and realize “I cannot make that.” Shit. But Alysha can. Yay! It’s amazing. One of the many reasons I love her.

Most recently she was scrolling through Etsy and saw the cutest best friend onesies . She knew our girls had to have them. But as a stay-at-home mom, $28 +shipping is a price that’s just too high to pay. So for $9 she replicated the outfits for our dolls and I’m in love.

Left: Stevie Rae (Alysha’s princess); Right: Maxly (my princess) 

ABC’s of Motherhood

A- Adjustment. Motherhood is one hell of an adjustment to say the least. You can be as prepared as one is able to be and you still aren’t prepared. Even if their were an instruction manual, there’d be a new edition everyday. You come home with your baby and BOOM there’s a whole entire extra person living in your house. A person who disrupts your beloved sleep, routine with friends, etc. It’s all a learning curve when you’ve got a tiny human who is 100% dependent on you. But it’s all worth it!

B- BabyBrezza. A MUST HAVE if you’re going to formula feed your baby. A life saver in a box. It’s a dispenser that holds water in a tank, formula on the top and mixes your bottles to a ready to feed temperature within seconds just by the push of a button.

C- Crying. There will be lots of crying, mostly from you. Talk about a whirlwind of hormones and emotions, ain’t nothing like it until after you’ve had a baby. Bearing a child turns you into a sap so maybe you’re just sitting there watching your child sleep, crying because they’re so beautiful. Bearing a child also confuses the heck out of your ability to think rationally so the simplest thing can set you off into a fit of frustration… which also leads to crying. It’s all natural. Right?

D- Dysfunction. I plan to give my daughter just enough dysfunction to make her funny.

E- Evenings out. It is so beyond important to have date nights with your hubby or wife. To reconnect and get back to why you even made a baby in the first place, it’s a beautiful thing and always more needed than realized.

F- Friends. Not saying you have to have oodles of friends but you need to get yourself at least one good mommy friend. It makes your journey so much more enjoyable I swear.

G- Gross. Your body does some gross things after birth. Embrace it.

H- Hair Loss. Postpartum hair loss is hella sexy. Enough said.

I- Isolation. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t isolate your thoughts, fears, and even hopes. Speak your mind and ask for help if you need it. You’ll be glad you did.

J- Jammies. It’s perfectly fine if you and your kid(s) stay in their pajamas all day. It happens!

K- Keep it together. Keep a schedule, keep a budget, keep up with house cleaning. Stay organized! It’s key to so much success.

L- Love. Does this one really need explaining?

M- Mom shaming. JUST DON’T DO IT.

N- No. It’s going to be a word they’re going to need to hear. You’re the boss not them!

O- Opinions. Everyone is going to have them, even when you don’t ask. Just remember you are living your best life for you and your family and unless your child is a rude ass wild child or in danger, just let their comments go right over your head. Screw the know it alls.

P- Poop. So much poop. So many blowouts. It’d be so much easier if sometimes we could just hose them off. Am I right?

Q- Quietness. You don’t always have to be quiet. I assure you they can sleep through anything. Hell I vacuum under my daughter when she’s in her swing.

R- Relax. Don’t be so uptight. I know it’s hard especially right after having the baby because your emotions are so through the roof like I said before but take a deep breath and get some anxiety medication if you need to! It’s ok to balance yourself out and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

S- Significant other. Be a supreme team. For yourselves, for your kids.

T- Trust. I know it may be hard but you need to trust other people with your kids. Whether it’s your mom, your best friend, your sister-in-law, you need time away from your baby. It’s good for them and it’s good for you.

U- Ups & downs. As it goes with anything there will be ups and there will be downs. There will be days where you feel like a supermom and there will probably be days when you feel like the worst mother on the planet. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can.

V- Videos. It’s so important to take all the photos that you can of your baby but don’t forget to take videos as well! For years to come you’ll want to physically remember their adorable little coo’s and their delicate little moves.

W- Watch your mouth. I’m honestly kind of afraid my baby’s first word might be fuck.

X- Xplanation. Ok obviously that’s supposed to read explanation. Cut me a break.. how many words in the everyday language actually begin with the letter “x”. Never feel the need to explain yourself. No explanation needed. See what I did there?

Y- Youth. Never forget, age doesn’t really matter. You’re only as young as you feel and my moms infamous saying as I grew up was “the kids get older but we don’t.”

Z- Zone in on yourself.  Face it you’re a mom now and your world revolves around your child / family and that’s amazing but don’t forget you need time for yourself as well. It’s the only thing to keep you sane.

Why All Moms Need Mom Friends

Work friends.

Family friends.

College friends.

Childhood friends.

All special and important in their own way.

Most recently though I developed a new kind of friendship. One I never realized I craved until I met my mommy mate, my mommy friend. The beauty of a mommy friend is they literally come from all walks of life. Interest wise you can be completely different, appearance wise you can be completely different, and even age wise you can be completely different. So many differences yet one beautiful thing that brings you together on an undeniable basis, motherhood. Obviously not everybody can get along with everyone but it’s important to have an open mind, not to criticize, take an interest in other moms and be nice! Mommy friends are the best because they’ll treat your kid like their own, they get where you’re at on life, your kids will have built in best friends, and so many more perks! In my case I was lucky enough to reconnect with an acquaintance via Facebook. Throughout our pregnancies we would chat here and there, comment on each other’s pictures and then we were lucky enough to have both given birth within 2 ½ weeks of each other. Talk about literally walking in the other’s shoes. You’re never too young for a playdate. And even more importantly you’re never too old for a playdate. We had to get those babies together! After reconnecting and chatting on Facebook messenger for months, her and I decided to finally meet up. Her name is Alysha and she is my mommy match! Our daughters are the cutest little bundles of smiles and it melts our hearts to see them together. Her daughter Stevie Rae and my daughter Maxly are such a hoot.

(Left; Maxly. Right; Stevie Rae.)

At first Alysha and I covered the basics. We talked about normal baby things. “How do they sleep?” “Do they like tummy time?” Etc. And of course we “ooh” and awed” over the cuteness of our two baby girls together. With no time wasted we were discussing their birthdays. The good, the bad, the ugly, the pain and essentially anything a “normal person” would consider TMI. The beauty of someone who just gave childbirth, vaginally or cesarean, you are an open book. Whether you wanted them to or not everyone and their mother knows all about your bodily functions and have seen you from head to toe.. including your insides. Weird I know, but that’s labor! It makes all the difference in the world to be able to talk face to face with someone who just went through the process you went through just weeks before. My fiance, sister and mother described the birth of my daughter to me but they didn’t know how I felt, what it was like from my point of view, Alysha did. Without skipping a beat we dove into the taboo topic of postpartum / postpartum depression. I thought I was crazy. She thought she was crazy. Maybe we’re both crazy but at least we 100% related to each other. To be able to discuss your emotions and hormone levels with a fellow mother who was experiencing the same thing at the same time was a game changer. At this point we’ve hung out handfuls of times in many ways, shapes and forms, but there’s nothing like the feeling after our first get together. I remember I felt so relieved, so connected, so refreshed. She got me. I got her. We clicked. We both knew we weren’t going to be just social friends, but quality friends, mom friends! To be able to have each other’s backs and motivate one another will help us both thrive within ourselves, our friendship, in our relationships and in motherhood. Before having a baby the term “mom friend” irked me. I thought it was lame. But now being a mother and having made a friend that is just like me is one of the most rewarding experiences I could have hoped for. If you haven’t found your mom friend just yet, be patient. There are so many ways to do it. In a large part it’s like dating. It’s just important to network, whether it’s in the real world or the virtual world. Just get yourself out there and get the conversation going.