Maxly’s Trip; Mommy’s Memory Lane

Nos-tal-gia noun: a strong desire or sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time in one’s life.

 

Some people will argue that there are blinding effects of nostalgia / being nostalgic. That perhaps it potentially removes rough edges from bad parts of the good old days. Eh, that’s crap to me. I was blessed enough to have a good no great childhood, with loving parents, fond memories and awesome traditions. Traditions that were timeless and I’m eager to pass down to my own daughter. Traditions are traditions for a reason and they’re meant to remain practiced throughout time. Growing up my family had the classic customs as most people do but we also had our own “mash ups” that my parents invented as well. Rituals that were done so many times that essentially they became our heritage.

Let’s take a trip down my memory lane.

The Penny Fairy. The Penny Fairy came and visited me every year on my birthday and leave money underneath the dinner plate. She would leave a penny for every year of your age plus an additional penny for good luck – as someone would do with placing an extra candles on ones birthday cake. The catch was she would only come if we were celebrating the birthday dinner at home opposed to going out to eat. Knowing I would fall for it, my damn parents were (and still are) so clever… always finding ways to save money haha. I cannot wait to do this with Maxly on her first birthday. Kids love shiny things and kids love money. That little girl is going to love those two pennies. Such a fun and unique thing to create within the household!

English Muffin Pizza. My dads specialty. It was always a treat when he made these scrumptious delicacies because it meant my mom was out for the night or out of town. Still to this day they are SO GOOD. He’ll have to pass it on to my fiance so it’ll be something special for him and Maxly to do if I’m out for the night or out of town. And if not pizza (although we are a family of pizzaholics) there will be some special meal in place that the two will bond over for those special occasions!

Valentines Day. My mother always got me and my sister gifts on Valentines Day!Nothing major but always something nice and thoughtful. Even at 26 years old my mother still does. Just as a reminder that she loves us and she always will. Valentines Day is not just about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or a husband or a wife. We were always taught that Valentines Day is clearly just about love all around. As a teenager I especially liked this tradition because if I was feeling down for a boy not liking me or something stupid my mom always picked me up by gifting me a little something. I will do the same for my daughter. I hope it’s as meaningful to her as it always was to me and it helps build Maxly’s self love.

Keep the jokes running. I’ve touched on this topic before a couple of times in some of my previous posts but I’ll say it again because it never gets old… Like her mother (me), Maxly has lower back dimples. And my parents used to (and still do say) “well you know what those dimples really mean right? Like how you got them?” If you guys are curious as to what the answer is, it’s this…knobs. Yup. Just call me a Conehead. I was told over and over when I was little that I had knobs on my lower back like the Coneheads but they just happened to fall off. Hence the dimples. What?! Haha. I truly believed them for so long. But I also though gullible wasn’t in the dictionary. Hey why have kids if you can’t mess with them right?

Mommy Dearest. Remember my post recently about watching potentially “inappropriate” movies for my young self due to having young parents? (I turned out fine.) Well Mommy Dearest may have been one of those movies but I loved it nonetheless. Along with being one of the most quotable movies out there it’s also a great reminder on how great of a mother I was blessed with. She never forgot to remind me of that! Whenever I thought she was being mean and unfair she would turn around and say “do you want me to be mommy dearest?!” NOPE. And I intend to do the same with Miss Maxly. It’s a “fun” yet affective method to respect your mom.

A comfy Christmas. Always staying in our jammies was and is a long lasting belief. I was taught that there’s no need to dress up, and bounce around from others people’s homes just to “make an appearance” because of the holiday. No. My mother and father always cherished Christmas as our day off together with the whole family. You stay at home, and be with your kids. You be cozy together, watch the 24 hours Christmas Story marathon, enjoying presents and enjoying presence.

We had so many more customs, beliefs, rituals, nostalgia…whatever you want to call it, they’re our family traditions. And family traditions are so important. They’re fun, unique and keep life interesting. I cannot wait to create a fun and memorable childhood for my daughter like my parents did for me.

First Impression; Best Friends For Life Husband and Wife.

Cigarettes can kill but they can also help you meet the love of your life.

2011 into 2012 MGMT said it best, the band described my life in a nutshell. “I’m feelin’ rough I’m feelin’ raw I’m in the prime of my life.” I was 19, and had really bloomed into my own. I was about to study abroad in France, had a plan to move into my own place once I was home and the word shy was not in my vocabulary. It’s funny because the qualities that people love about me are sometimes the qualities in which people cannot stand about me. I was (and still am) loud, a chatterbox, and confident. And back then I had this bright firey ginger color hair that was literally the cherry on top for my unknowingly secret admirer close by. (And so did he!)

In two of my journalism classes sat behind me was a tall, lanky, cute yet very quiet guy.

I was a smoker, sorry mom! 

In February of 2012 I was standing outside of a building before class and lit up a smoke. Right across from me doing the same was the tall, lanky, cute yet quiet boy. This is my moment, the time to swoop in and make my move!

I puffed, “hey.”

He puffed, “hi.”

I exhaled, “I see we’re in some of the same classes.”

He exhaled, “yeah.”

I puffed, “I’m Morgan.”

He puffed, “I’m Nick.”

We ended up talking a bit more here and there throughout the next few weeks since we were due to go to France together. Ultimately we decided to stick along side one another because we were the only two smokers in the group that was due to leave the country. If you are, or were a smoker, you can understand how smoking bonds other smokers together. Weird I know but true. It wasn’t instant but it was love at second.

Cue the MGMT. No we didn’t shoot heroin but we fucked with the stars and drank a lot of Heineken and Magners. The Moulin Rogue, kissing atop the Eiffel Tower, holding hands walking through the parks, eating french cuisine among the many cafes whilst smoking and people watching were among the many activities that grew us closer together. Still to this day those are some of the most memorable times of my life. At the time, my 19 year old self swore to my friends he was my soulmate. I believed it. He was an amazing writer, attractive, we had the same likes when it came to music, and we played well off of each others sense of humor. Plain and simple we always had fun.

Unfortunately when we came home, sooner rather than later our fling was over. I was hurt but I moved forward. I still had big things on my horizon. Throughout the next three years we would see or talk to each other every nine months or so. (Foreshadowing? Maybe!) I truthfully never thought we’d ever spend more than a couple of hours with each other ever again, I would have bet my life on it. Well good thing I didn’t because I’d have been way way way wrong.

Fast forward to 2015 and we end up reconnecting while I was working as a manager for Pier 1 Imports. His mother had placed and order for director chair covers and his father came to pick them up. I had never met him but he was a spitting image of Nick, or I guess rather Nick was a spitting image of him. Making a long story short I told him I was Nicks friend from Paris and to tell him I say hi. He did, which was surprising because lets face it men suck at relaying messages. But Nick texted me the day after and invited me over for dinner. Needless to say I went on a whim, not expecting much. And we’ve been together every day since. It could be love or it could be that I showed up with a 30 rack of beer haha. I bet he’d say it was the booze.

Not even a year later we were engaged on top of a mountain. One of the most intense, colorful and adventurous days of my life. Pouring rain, 40 mph winds, 15 degree temperature… Nick looks at me and I shout over my senses being assaulted and say “isn’t this crazy??” He shouts back “Yeah, do you wanna know something else crazy?” So I shout back “what?” He pulls out this beautiful round rose gold Morganite stone engagement ring and says “will you marry me?” Tears. So many sobbing tears poured from my face. I said yes obviously but unlike a normal person that wasn’t my first response. My reaction was “are you serious??” and then “does my mom know??” Both to which he said yes. I’m very untraditional in a lot of ways but I was so pleased and grateful he asked my parents permission. 

Wedding plans were in the midst but were put on hold because of reasons. But as our entire story to date has shown, everything happens for a reason. The same year we were set to get married was the same year we found out we were expecting our little baby blueberry. We were elated. So happy, so eager and so thrilled. We couldn’t wait to make our duo a trio, to become parents and raise a kick ass beach baby and animal lover. I was hoping for a daughter, he was hoping for a son but either way we clearly just wanted a healthy baby. Throughout my pregnancy Nick and I grew up fast. We went from partying every night to quitting smoking, we bought a home, we remodeled said home. It was all so scary and nerve-wracking but we did it all in six short months, despite my hormonal mood swings. I absolutely refused to not have everything prepared and safe for my baby’s arrival. We time crunched for sure.

Flash to December 18, 2017 and our beautiful daughter Maxly Coraline was born. Our family was finally a true family now, even though we already had two cats, a dog and a tortoise. But we were complete. We were the Matson Family. We hate the terms “baby momma” and “baby daddy” but we do use them from time to time as a joke, or even as a term of endearment. It makes us laugh, it keeps things light. I could never thank Nick enough for making me a mommy. I could never thank him enough for giving me the daughter I had always dreamt of. The love we have is unconditional. Even if we spat,  we are good and back to normal laughing within 10 minutes. Its just how we flow. We have to, life is too short and it takes too much energy to be unhappy with one another. It’s just not worth it to be angry, especially now that we are role models for our daughter. I have never met a person who has seen and experienced every nook of my life. He really has seen me at my highest and at my lowest point. And we’ve gone through our problems too – don’t get me wrong, but when I found out I was pregnant we worked so hard to be the best versions of ourselves so we could be the most supreme team for our daughter. And that’s where we’re at now.

“I’ve seen you with blonde hair, I’ve seen you with red hair, I’ve seen you with black hair, and now brown, and one day I’ll see you with gray.” Probably the most romantic thing he’s ever said to me. He is my partner. My partner in parenting, partner in drinking, partner in love, and partner in life.

I do love and live by the saying “happy wife happy life” but our motto has really become best friends for life husband and wife.

 

 

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby; Real Talk.

I thought I was afraid of having a baby. HA I was actually more afraid of fornication after baby. Sex after birth is like loosing your virginity all over again. You think I’m kidding? K.

“Will I get pregnant?”

“Is it going to hurt?”

“We have to keep the lights off.”

Sex may be the last thing on your mind but I assure you, as soon as you’re in the clear.. the sooner you get physical the better. It takes a minimum of six weeks… but physical (re)connection will make you and your significant other better as parents, I promise. You’ll both feel reunited. Supreme be this team, if you will. Reassembled. YES. Feeling disconnected could lead to resentment. You don’t want that. I didn’t want that. If you aren’t physical, don’t you think you might start feeling like roommates? Weird. You don’t want that. At least I don’t want that. So bring on the sex! Taboo subject or not. Bring it!

It’s possible your partner may have hidden fears.. maybe they think they’ll hurt you..maybe they think you aren’t ready.. maybe they’re thinking you feel insecure.. so don’t be afraid to make the first move. As gross as birth truly is,  I assure you… after they saw you bring that child into this world, and how you care for that said child, that you made together, they are just as attracted to you as you are to them after seeing them with your baby. Mhm. Seeing my fiance tending to our baby turned me on. NO LIE. No shame. Screw it. Literally. How does having a new baby change the way you feel about your partner? I can’t speak for everyone but seeing my fiance with our daughter? Shit. I have never been so attracted to him in our entire six years history. Dudes have needs too, but so do we. Act on it.

The first thing that women think about after baby is probably not sex. Maybe it’s not the first thing, but sex is surely a thought. It’s undeniable.

How do you find time for sex after baby? Well step one would be to not co-sleep with your youngin’. (PS I’m not shaming anyone for doing so but it just wasn’t my preference to do so.) I personally like spontaneous sex, it’s more intimate and overall sexy but if you are worried that it won’t happen but you want it to happen, set aside a time for sex. It’s not shameful or corny. Let people judge you. Make time for you and your partner, it’s just equally as important as your baby.

Set your own timeline…..

I personally waited till the six week mark that you’re advised to wait. But as soon as I was cleared.. even though “down there” still felt a little “different” doctor said I was healed and ready to be a sexual being again, woo!!! But I was afraid it’d be awkward.

Awkward sex? Eh, it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Hell if you play it right, it’s not awkward AT ALL. In fact it’s intimate as ever. MHMM.

I enjoy sex now more that I’m a mom. Maybe too much information but giving birth springs all of these new emotions and sensations from within. You know I’m right.

What’s the common saying? “Don’t forget your roots?” Don’t forget why you started? Or how rather. Sex is what most likely bonded your relationship. Sex is what created your baby. Sex is love. Sex is new. Sex is all. Sex is you. Sex is the origin and soul of your relationship. The bond of you and your partner. The author of your marriage. The producer of your offspring.

Passion. Keep it alive and it will keep your family alive.

 

Why I’m Glad I Had a Daughter

“We all move forward when we recognize how resilient and striking the women around us are” – Rupi Kaur.

 

Pink clothes. Tutus. Waterfall hairstyles. Disney. Baby dolls and barbies. All of the reasons I was looking forward to having a daughter. Primarily though I dreamed of having a little girl so I can raise her as my mother raised me – well rounded, in a princess dominated world.

I have been beyond blessed to be have grown up among amazing women. My mom, sister, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, friends, teachers, aunts, coworkers. Women who continue to support me, teach me and love me everyday. As will my daughter.

I will raise her to be strong. Strong willed. Strong minded. Strong hearted.

It all starts at home. Your first teachers are your mom and dad. And I intend to do just that.

Second teacher comes from yourself with the support of your friends and family. Your individuality. Feeling the love and authenticity within yourself is your second greatest mentor. I’s ok to read books. It’s ok to not wear makeup. It’s ok if you don’t like to read books. It’s ok if you want to wear makeup. But don’t do it because it’s trendy. Do it because you want to do it. Don’t be a follower. Be a leader. Speak your mind. Say yes. Say no. Be brave. Be “different”. All qualities she’ll be taught to grasp and will practice in her everyday life. Throughout my life I never saw support like this with my girlfriends and their mothers as my mom supported me. Truly to this day, almost 26 years later I couldn’t have done it without her and my daughter won’t be able to do it without me.

I am so proud to be able to raise a unique and distinctive type of woman. I’m moved to be able to pass this tradition to my daughter and raise her with compassion, patience and understanding to all people, especially other women. A little girl that will grow to empower other women and who does not compete. Obviously we’ll want her to try her best and “go for it” but she’ll know you do not need to sabotage people to get what you want. It makes for a nasty future and nasty base for any type of relationship.

My daughter will be grateful for this life and see each day as a gift. She’ll understand that sometimes you’ll have ups and sometimes you’ll have downs. But don’t take it out on others. Don’t bring other women down with you because you’re in a rut. As I was coached by my mom, great things will always be happening around you. Rather than be jealous, be happy for those people. “No matter where you are great things are happening around you. Someone’s kid just spoke for the first time. Old friends are reuniting. If this isn’t you today, tomorrow might be your turn for something wonderful.”

Being a woman is something to be proud of. And being a good women who have other women’s backs is something to be even more proud of. To have been able to have created a tiny human out of thin air and to be privileged to raise that tiny human into a courageous independent little girl who doesn’t compete in her years of growth…will be amazing. I want her to stay little but I tear at the thought of how amazing of a woman she’ll someday become. Thanks to me, thanks to my mom and thanks to the woman before her.

In all that I do, and all that every woman does, we need to continue to evolve and support one another in the journey we call life. As we’ve come to find throughout history, when women support each other, incredible things can happen. Here’s to strong women. Here’s to strong daughters! “May we know them! May we be them! May we raise them.”

And remember, there’s only one of you and that’s the most important thing you can give in life is exactly who you are. Words of the wise that I will say to my daughter Maxly everyday.

**Side note I would be just as pleased to have been privileged enough to have been blessed with a boy raise a son into a fine gentlemen who would too contribute to society and treat women and men with the upmost respect and love all humans deserve. 

The Paramount of Kids Growing Up With Pets

Eight ways animals are positive and gratifying for children.

I grew up in a household where there was always two dogs, two cats, fish and when I got a little bit older, a rabbit and hamsters. I always had a (furry) friend. As I grew up and moved out of my parents house I continued to own animals. Still to this day I  have a love in my heart for all creatures especially my chihuahua, two cats and tortoise. Along side me and my pets live my three month old daughter and my fiance. Him and I were just having a conversation how he is so happy that our little girl will be able to grow up in a house of animals because they will teach and benefit her in their own special ways. He, among many people grew up deprived from the gift of pets. People do not realize how important a cat or a dog really is for a person let alone little kid. They impact your life from the first second they enter and for everyday beyond the time they exit.

• Companionship. Not only does a pet act as a great filler for a best friend, they’re an even better filler as a fur brother/sister, especially if you’re an only child. I myself do have an actual sister but I was an only child for the first eight years of my life. My Dachshund Sammy was my absolute best friend from birth until she passed away when I was five. I was devastated and so lonely so soon after my parents got a new Dachshund buddy named Oliver, Ollie for short. Ollie lived until my senior year of high school but was still one of my best friends even though I wasn’t a little girl anymore. Same thing with my childhood cat Motz. It’s absolutely amazing the comfort and love you feel with an animal and the unbreakable bond that’s formed.
• Compassion. Having a pet is an amazing way for a child to learn empathy. To pick up signals and be able to read those signals of another living thing, to actually grasp how they’re feeling… incredible. Are they happy? Are they sad? Are they hungry? Do they have to go to the bathroom? And what the child can do for said pet once they realize the pet is in need, whether it’s dire or not. It’s a truly beautiful experience for the child, the pet and you to watch as a parent / guardian.
• Unconditional Love. How can you rob your child of unconditional love? I myself am lucky enough to have parents who are still married but if you’re going through a divorce, it has a huge impact on your child. And even though the divorce is not their fault, kids tend to blame themselves and feel less loved by mom or dad. Having a pet that is always there to love and listen to them is crucial. Unconditional love is priceless. Even if you’re not divorced, kids are still going to feel emotional and upset from time to time, whether they’re “mad” at you or maybe a bully said something to them at school…. to be able to come home and turn to their dog, it’ll only raise their spirits and keep their self-esteem high.
• Responsibility. I’m not saying go out and buy your toddler a lizard and expect it to be the reptiles sole provider…but if you have a cat or a dog then having the child help feed him/her, scoop their liter box, brush the animal, etc. then the child quickly learns about chores and to physically care for another living creature. Responsibility will fall on mom and dad too though of course. Your child is a child and is still learning, so make sure the pet in the household is appropriate for the child’s age! Unless of course, you have 100% done your research and plan to care for the animal as well. As I mentioned earlier, I own a Russian Tortoise, which requires specific care. I will eventually have my daughter help me feed her, give her a bath and walk her around outside. But I would never expect or let her be Olive’s sole caregiver. At least not when she’s a child. That’d just be foolish.
• Pets keep kids healthy. There is certainly a reason to believe there’s a relation between owning pets and shielding kids from certain illnesses. In Parent’s magazine, The Benefits of Pet’s it states, “When a child plays with a dog or a cat, the animals usually lick him,” he says. “That lick transfers bacteria that live in animals’ mouths, and the exposure to the bacteria may change the way the child’s immune system responds to other allergens.” Pretty crazy huh? But it makes sense. According to Dr. Ownby, a pediatrician and head of an allergy and immunology department of the Medical College of Georgia, “having multiple pets actually decreases a child’s risk of developing certain allergies. His research tracked a group of 474 babies from birth to about age 7. He found that the children who were exposed to two or more dogs or cats as babies were less than half as likely to develop common allergies as kids who had no pets in the home. Children who had animals had fewer positive skin tests to indoor allergens—like pet and dust-mite allergens—and also to outdoor allergens such as ragweed and grass. Other studies have suggested that an early exposure to pets may decrease a child’s risk of developing asthma.” 
• Inspiration. Animals will pretty much go along with anything. And I mean ANYTHING. I used to push my kitty Motz around in my baby doll stroller for hours. I’m sure he didn’t love it but he let me do it because he loved me, he was one of my best pals. My animals allowed my mind and body to wander, to play! Indoors and outdoors. I always had indoor cats (because my outdoor ones got hit by cars, so sad) but my doggies were always great outdoor playmates! Although nowadays if you have an indoor cat, just get it a leash! It’s currently trending and apparently cats dig it.
• The will to learn. I have only owned a handful of breeds of dogs, but I can give you the rundown of practically every breed and every breeds mannerisms. Like people, I always wanted to know more about them. Same goes for why I own a tortoise. Olive is my first ever reptile and I did some serious groundwork before committing myself to her. Owning pets as a child could also spark the will to not just learn on such a mediocre level but on a collegic level as well. Maybe kids will grow into young adults with a dream of helping animals and then continue on into adulthood to research in Animal Science, Veterinary, Marine Biology, join PETA etc.
• Death. Maybe it sounds morbid but just as life happens so does death. Animals are great tools to teach children about the lesson of death. As I mentioned earlier, my dog  Sammy was my best friend but she died of cancer when I was five. She was the only living thing in my life that I had ever known that had died. Sammy taught me love, compassion, companionship, responsibility, inspiration and in her last lesson, taught me how to cope with death.

It is so important for kids to have a partner in crime to share special moments in life. Growing up I had a ton of friends who didn’t have pets and they loved coming over to see and play with all of my animals. They were envious. My daughter (and future kids if I do have more) will never be without that love, our house will always be filled with pets.