Peace in Parenting

Buddhism Through American Women’s Eyes was one of the most enlightening books I’ve read in a while — tales of how the practice of Buddhism has affected women and their mental states in situations that men can’t necessarily experience — a prime example, childbirth and motherhood. One of the sections of the book that stood out to me most was about women who meditated before they actually became mothers. Without going into grave detail the end of the chapter concluded that women need to give moms a break so they can still meditate (which I totally understand and agree with by the way) but then I realized that my daughter is my muse and that mothering in itself is my meditation. As we all know it gets hectic with little ones sometimes. They’re screaming, or they’re cranky, they’re making a mess – but even still in those moments I take a step back and it’s like the whole world around me stops and it’s just me and my child. In a split second I reflect and everything is immediately put into perspective – my mind becomes clear(er), I realize how beautiful, valuable and fragile life really is, especially through such young eyes as a child.

When my child was first born I knew she was pure, original, healthy and more importantly a future member of society. It’s a cliche but the children are our future. My main goal in parenting is give her love, compassion and honestly. I believe that you get back what you put out into the universe so I’m teaching her what I can even before she is able to speak, crawl or walk — teaching her one of the greatest lessons in this life, loving-kindness. I am her karma spirit guide after all. Using our household pets and plants I’m teaching my daughter non-harm and non-hate. As they say parents are our first teachers. As we help our children grow the next phase is to help them look for something deeper in their lives, whether it’s their passions and hobbies, their future careers, etc.

I wish for my child(ren) to be giving, selfless, loving. How do I teach this? You can say say say but really what you need is to do do do. As the firstborn especially our daughter is spoiled. By me, her father, her aunts, her grandparents, our family friends… so when it comes to when she’ll start having parties with friends and such – in leu of gifts I want to donate to a cause. I met a woman today who does this with her daughter and I’m truly inspired by it. Perhaps gather pet supplies to give to a the humane society, or nonperishable food items to give to a food shelter, or gather and give old toys to those less fortunate. Something natural that she and her friends will be able to take with them as the grow up. Something rewarding for all of us – and it’ll be reinforced because we will be doing it as a family and with her friends. I will always lead by example for my daughter. I will be the best person I can be for her – becoming a mom didn’t change who I was just how I “do me” because now I have to “do us” – do for our family.

Doing good for others and giving when you can is good for the soul – the interconnectedness from within herself that will come out of these traditions will be a key ingredient into being a successful and contributing member of society in the future. Loving-kindness and a good heart creates the most powerful protection and makes the world go round, and as a mother I will always protect my daughter.

“It’s Never Too Early To Be Girlie!” -Girlie Glue; The Ridiculous New Craze & What I Have To Say About It.

Ever put a bow or head-wrap on your baby just to see it’s fallen off their slim little head or that they’ve ripped it off? Yeah. Same here. It’s typical. But never fear, a Brazilian company has come about to save the day! Recently releasing a new product in which you stick a bow on your babies haired or bare head WITH GLUE, with “girlie glue.” The real reason behind the invention? To help  identify the baby as a girl. Moms are sick of people mistaking their daughters for a boy because frankly without a bow most babies do look like little boys. No shame. I know mine does. Girlie Glue, the glue that lets you stick stuff right to your baby’s head! Guys this isn’t a drill. In fact this is dumb. But sadly this is real life. And surprise surprise we’ve got yet another debate regarding gender. Ugh. But…..waittttttttt…so this product has sparked a controversy about gender? Just about gender?? There’s an issue because the Brazilian company’s motto is “it’s never too early to be girlie.” #1 there shouldn’t be an issue revolving gender. (People need to get over themselves.) But the fact that these idiots are glueing something to their baby’s head(s) is completely skipped over. Oh Ok. I just wanted to make sure that’s what’s been going on here. I can’t deal with people anymore. It’s mind boggling to me that this is the world we live in. There are arguments that babies haven’t decided what gender they are yet so how dare their parents put a bow on a biological female infants head. OH MY GOSH. Get over yourselves people, really. Recently I watched a video where a “sexual expert” says parents need to ask their babies for their permission before changing them. What? So your baby…the one whom cannot speak… and doesn’t quite yet understand body language or know how to display it… but just knows they’re uncomfortable and in order to be comfortable is to cry to trigger a changing … but because they aren’t verbal in the fact of “yes mom and dad, please change me” I’m supposed to let my daughter sit in copious amounts of pee and poop, some expert that jerk is, they defineitly do not have kids. So what are we supposed to do with our kids who are born with penises? Not call them a boy? K. What about the ones born with a vagina? Yup you’re right… probably shouldn’t refer to them as girls because God forbid anyone gets offended. Sooooo should we just start painting out babies one solid “neutral” color? Or maybe use a Sharpie… since it’s more permanent? Like the glue with the bows. Make them wear all gray onesies with an “X” on it. Oh God I’m hoping I didn’t just spark an idea in some sick gender obsessive mind. People need to let stuff go. Look at things at face value instead of diving in head first and reading between the pages versus the lines. Putting aside the gender debate in this case… women will freak out about piercing their children’s ears pierced but they’ll glue something to their child’s head? That makes sense. Why not just stick a wad of gum in their hair, stick a bow on said wad of gum and call it a day? I’m just going to stick with the classic baby bows when it comes to my daughter thank you. No need to be so “extra” or weird and potentially harmful with Girlie Glue. I think this would be fun to buy for my cat…. but then at the same time why the hell would I glue anything to my cat. I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t glue anything to my child either. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% sensitive to gender issues and transgender issues but this all has gone too far. I named my daughter Maxly and we call her Max. As she grows up and if she decides maybe she should have been born a boy then that’s fine. But she’ll still be Max. She won’t have to change her name. Whether Max is a she or a he Max will still be Max. Girlie Glue is not discriminating towards boys. It’s a simple product meant to make lives easier (even though I don’t approve of the product). Go ahead moms, glue those bows to your sons head. Let people think they’re girls along with the actual baby girls. I bet you $50 that when your son grows up he’ll give you more grief because you glued some shit to his head versus that you made people think he was a girl.

 

Maxly’s Trip; Mommy’s Memory Lane

Nos-tal-gia noun: a strong desire or sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time in one’s life.

 

Some people will argue that there are blinding effects of nostalgia / being nostalgic. That perhaps it potentially removes rough edges from bad parts of the good old days. Eh, that’s crap to me. I was blessed enough to have a good no great childhood, with loving parents, fond memories and awesome traditions. Traditions that were timeless and I’m eager to pass down to my own daughter. Traditions are traditions for a reason and they’re meant to remain practiced throughout time. Growing up my family had the classic customs as most people do but we also had our own “mash ups” that my parents invented as well. Rituals that were done so many times that essentially they became our heritage.

Let’s take a trip down my memory lane.

The Penny Fairy. The Penny Fairy came and visited me every year on my birthday and leave money underneath the dinner plate. She would leave a penny for every year of your age plus an additional penny for good luck – as someone would do with placing an extra candles on ones birthday cake. The catch was she would only come if we were celebrating the birthday dinner at home opposed to going out to eat. Knowing I would fall for it, my damn parents were (and still are) so clever… always finding ways to save money haha. I cannot wait to do this with Maxly on her first birthday. Kids love shiny things and kids love money. That little girl is going to love those two pennies. Such a fun and unique thing to create within the household!

English Muffin Pizza. My dads specialty. It was always a treat when he made these scrumptious delicacies because it meant my mom was out for the night or out of town. Still to this day they are SO GOOD. He’ll have to pass it on to my fiance so it’ll be something special for him and Maxly to do if I’m out for the night or out of town. And if not pizza (although we are a family of pizzaholics) there will be some special meal in place that the two will bond over for those special occasions!

Valentines Day. My mother always got me and my sister gifts on Valentines Day!Nothing major but always something nice and thoughtful. Even at 26 years old my mother still does. Just as a reminder that she loves us and she always will. Valentines Day is not just about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or a husband or a wife. We were always taught that Valentines Day is clearly just about love all around. As a teenager I especially liked this tradition because if I was feeling down for a boy not liking me or something stupid my mom always picked me up by gifting me a little something. I will do the same for my daughter. I hope it’s as meaningful to her as it always was to me and it helps build Maxly’s self love.

Keep the jokes running. I’ve touched on this topic before a couple of times in some of my previous posts but I’ll say it again because it never gets old… Like her mother (me), Maxly has lower back dimples. And my parents used to (and still do say) “well you know what those dimples really mean right? Like how you got them?” If you guys are curious as to what the answer is, it’s this…knobs. Yup. Just call me a Conehead. I was told over and over when I was little that I had knobs on my lower back like the Coneheads but they just happened to fall off. Hence the dimples. What?! Haha. I truly believed them for so long. But I also though gullible wasn’t in the dictionary. Hey why have kids if you can’t mess with them right?

Mommy Dearest. Remember my post recently about watching potentially “inappropriate” movies for my young self due to having young parents? (I turned out fine.) Well Mommy Dearest may have been one of those movies but I loved it nonetheless. Along with being one of the most quotable movies out there it’s also a great reminder on how great of a mother I was blessed with. She never forgot to remind me of that! Whenever I thought she was being mean and unfair she would turn around and say “do you want me to be mommy dearest?!” NOPE. And I intend to do the same with Miss Maxly. It’s a “fun” yet affective method to respect your mom.

A comfy Christmas. Always staying in our jammies was and is a long lasting belief. I was taught that there’s no need to dress up, and bounce around from others people’s homes just to “make an appearance” because of the holiday. No. My mother and father always cherished Christmas as our day off together with the whole family. You stay at home, and be with your kids. You be cozy together, watch the 24 hours Christmas Story marathon, enjoying presents and enjoying presence.

We had so many more customs, beliefs, rituals, nostalgia…whatever you want to call it, they’re our family traditions. And family traditions are so important. They’re fun, unique and keep life interesting. I cannot wait to create a fun and memorable childhood for my daughter like my parents did for me.