Maxly’s Trip; Mommy’s Memory Lane

Nos-tal-gia noun: a strong desire or sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time in one’s life.

 

Some people will argue that there are blinding effects of nostalgia / being nostalgic. That perhaps it potentially removes rough edges from bad parts of the good old days. Eh, that’s crap to me. I was blessed enough to have a good no great childhood, with loving parents, fond memories and awesome traditions. Traditions that were timeless and I’m eager to pass down to my own daughter. Traditions are traditions for a reason and they’re meant to remain practiced throughout time. Growing up my family had the classic customs as most people do but we also had our own “mash ups” that my parents invented as well. Rituals that were done so many times that essentially they became our heritage.

Let’s take a trip down my memory lane.

The Penny Fairy. The Penny Fairy came and visited me every year on my birthday and leave money underneath the dinner plate. She would leave a penny for every year of your age plus an additional penny for good luck – as someone would do with placing an extra candles on ones birthday cake. The catch was she would only come if we were celebrating the birthday dinner at home opposed to going out to eat. Knowing I would fall for it, my damn parents were (and still are) so clever… always finding ways to save money haha. I cannot wait to do this with Maxly on her first birthday. Kids love shiny things and kids love money. That little girl is going to love those two pennies. Such a fun and unique thing to create within the household!

English Muffin Pizza. My dads specialty. It was always a treat when he made these scrumptious delicacies because it meant my mom was out for the night or out of town. Still to this day they are SO GOOD. He’ll have to pass it on to my fiance so it’ll be something special for him and Maxly to do if I’m out for the night or out of town. And if not pizza (although we are a family of pizzaholics) there will be some special meal in place that the two will bond over for those special occasions!

Valentines Day. My mother always got me and my sister gifts on Valentines Day!Nothing major but always something nice and thoughtful. Even at 26 years old my mother still does. Just as a reminder that she loves us and she always will. Valentines Day is not just about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or a husband or a wife. We were always taught that Valentines Day is clearly just about love all around. As a teenager I especially liked this tradition because if I was feeling down for a boy not liking me or something stupid my mom always picked me up by gifting me a little something. I will do the same for my daughter. I hope it’s as meaningful to her as it always was to me and it helps build Maxly’s self love.

Keep the jokes running. I’ve touched on this topic before a couple of times in some of my previous posts but I’ll say it again because it never gets old… Like her mother (me), Maxly has lower back dimples. And my parents used to (and still do say) “well you know what those dimples really mean right? Like how you got them?” If you guys are curious as to what the answer is, it’s this…knobs. Yup. Just call me a Conehead. I was told over and over when I was little that I had knobs on my lower back like the Coneheads but they just happened to fall off. Hence the dimples. What?! Haha. I truly believed them for so long. But I also though gullible wasn’t in the dictionary. Hey why have kids if you can’t mess with them right?

Mommy Dearest. Remember my post recently about watching potentially “inappropriate” movies for my young self due to having young parents? (I turned out fine.) Well Mommy Dearest may have been one of those movies but I loved it nonetheless. Along with being one of the most quotable movies out there it’s also a great reminder on how great of a mother I was blessed with. She never forgot to remind me of that! Whenever I thought she was being mean and unfair she would turn around and say “do you want me to be mommy dearest?!” NOPE. And I intend to do the same with Miss Maxly. It’s a “fun” yet affective method to respect your mom.

A comfy Christmas. Always staying in our jammies was and is a long lasting belief. I was taught that there’s no need to dress up, and bounce around from others people’s homes just to “make an appearance” because of the holiday. No. My mother and father always cherished Christmas as our day off together with the whole family. You stay at home, and be with your kids. You be cozy together, watch the 24 hours Christmas Story marathon, enjoying presents and enjoying presence.

We had so many more customs, beliefs, rituals, nostalgia…whatever you want to call it, they’re our family traditions. And family traditions are so important. They’re fun, unique and keep life interesting. I cannot wait to create a fun and memorable childhood for my daughter like my parents did for me.

Made From Scratch; Maxly Est. 2017

When my daughter was born I lay in the hospital bed dazed and confused. On top of how surreal pushing out a baby was to me at that moment – physically and mentally,  I had nothing left in me. Nothing. I was so confused. I was so exhausted. Obviously I was super thrilled, super excited, super happy and super proud -but there was just too much going on to even fathom those first few moments. People have asked me “what was it like?” or “how did you feel when she was born? You must have been jumping with joy.” You want the truth? I felt dumbfounded.  When my daughter was brought into this world, my fiance and sister were awestruck by the baby and team of doctors and nurses but my mom and I were locked in each other’s gaze. “What the fuck?” Yep. That’s what I said to her, and then “what the fuck” again when they handed me my newborn child.  After 36 hours of labor with a failed epidural and running on an empty stomach, I was just so disorientated.

Maxly was born at 7:54am. Mom and baby healthy, no concerns, thank the Lord. By 9am everything including myself was cleaned up. I had eaten pancakes, my folks headed home, every important family member or friend was notified of the birth, all was well, and thankfully about to be quiet. I recall the nurse showing Nick how to wrap the baby up in her little baby hospital straight jacket type thing and next thing I knew my eyes closed, then reopened and it was 12:30pm.

It was only three hours rest but to date that was the BEST sleep I’ve ever had.

I was laying on my left side and awoke to the sight of my fiance curled into a ball on the hospital recliner sound asleep. Precious.  I rolled over while still coming to and saw my baby bundled up in her little mobile “tank” at the end of my bed. That’s when it hit me. That’s when I realized that the baby I had carried for literally nine entire months was right in front of my face. Holy Hell.

After waiting for this moment my entire life, I sat up, pulled myself up and off of the bed, grabbed my IV bag and eagerly walked over to my daughter, my Maxly.

She was swaddled so sweetly and so tight and laying quietly staring up at the ceiling. (As she still does. She’s so good at occupying herself.) I looked at her surprisingly un-smushed face, peachy skin and perfect eyes – I teared up at the sight of my first-born, at the sight of my daughter.

*Side note: when I was pregnant I was talking, humming, singing, etc. to my belly 24/7. I refrained from calling her by her name but instead by Baby Blueberry since her gender and name was a secret to all but me, her father, my mother and sister. Anything and everything that was going on I was vocal about it. Essentially I was narrating my life and every move to my womb, every second of every day. As I still do to my baby now. I couldn’t help it. Judge me I don’t care. *

After managing my way over towards her, I leaned over her tiny crib touched her hand and said, “hi Baby Blueberry. It’s mommy, it’s me. I love you so much. Happy birthday my sweet.” I kid you not I saw her eyes physically grow wider. She turned her head towards me and gave me the tiniest yet biggest smile. She knew who I was. I swear she looked at me and thought oh wow you’re the one I’ve been hearing for months on end, hi mommy, it’s nice to meet you. It was amazing. I don’t think my heart has ever felt so fucking full. I’ve never experienced a moment like that. The tear that filled the corner of my eyes turned into a mini waterfall. Her eyes were full of purity, joy and love as they are now.

I looked at her as I do now almost five months later and think “wow, I made you from scratch.”